This year's Easter is very sad for my family. Sad as never before.
Events of the last few weeks still hurt... It is difficult to say it by words, but I know this holiday is different than others. Full of pain, but also full of hope.

I'd like to thank everybody who helped me and tried to cheer me up lately.
Above all I'm grateful for:
Benjamin
Emiolo
Laier
Thank you friends, I can always count on you.

Now about the topic itself:
I know, not all of you celebrate Easter, if not, try at least think about this as about an old pagan holiday for welcoming Spring :)

I'd like to wish you tasty eggs,
Sweet sugarlamb,
Wet Easter Monday,
{add here anything you celebrate during this time}
And generally Happy Easter!!

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Sorry guys, no comix this time.
I just didn't want to put here any mournful or suicidal stuff.
But still... I put myself a bit together and draw something for you all :D
I hate this scaner! ARGH! #@&%!!!
So yeah...

BE WET ON EASTER MONDAY !!

So I finally got out of the depression. I have just thought everything could be well, better time came...

My Grandpa died.

It happened so suddenly, so unexpectedly, so...
...
I feel crushed.
While writing this I still feel like it was a bad dream, I am still not full conscious of events of the last few days. ...I am afraid of the moment I will understand.

Me as me, I do not care about me, but I am really worrying about my Mom and cousin. They experience much more harder than me. I do not know how could I help them, but I know I must.
Hope some things will not be going worse.

I am very thankful for a some guy who this tragic day led me to a tramway station, hugged me and was trying to talk and cheer me up a bit. I do not remember much, I know that I barely could standing and that I was mumbling throught tears... But I do not forget this young man. I have no words to say my gratefullness for him...

Good to know that on this Earth are still some people who are able to offer disinterested help, who are not afraid to be someone's light.

Not much changed since the last post, school sucks, even more as before, I've been sick, tired and generally still depressed, maybe just not as much as before. Never mind.

But something strange happens lately. I have no idea if it is only temporary irony of fate or sth changed in myself, anyhow I feel much better and started noticing results of my trials of fixing mistakes of the past. They're still not very visible, but even small events give motivation to the further work.

That all began Friday 13th (awesome date, don't you think so?).

Day as day, two hard tests in a row, I didn't go on a first one and on the next lesson Chemistry teacher made another, unannounced. I completely blammed it, anyhow I don't care. Simply no wonder why she is known as 'Mrs Hitler'. Than Physicist went mad without any reason and yelled for the whole hour. I went from school furious.
Few minutes later I received a text message. My friend who I haven't talked with for nearly half a year wanted to meet. I couldn't believe. I finally felt a spark of contentment that day.

Also I have a freakin' luck. My other friend and me went to a RPG store, I needed to buy some stuff. I asked a seller about 10-sided-dices, but he told me they don't have such, so I asked about 20-sided one ('not Warhammer, so maybe Neuroshima', I thought), but the answer was the same. 'Heh, there's no free decks of Magic too?' I said beeing sure the reply. Of course, I was right.
In the shop was also a young guy who, I think, felt sorry about me (maybe I'm stupid thinking like this XD) and told the seller to look for dices carefully... And he found two 10-sides-dices and gave me them for free!! Both of them are strange, one is Japanese and the other one is from a Cthulhu edition. They're awesome!!

Time for ads: If you play Magic the Gathering, wanna play, or completely don't know what it is and you're from Europe, log into this site and get a FREE deck !!!

And in the end I'll say that something really weird happened to me, because one day I came home with a bizarre feeling of power and... I came to my room and throw out all things from a half of a board with paper, magazines etc. (the second half was the next day). That was such a place where I put everything, especially when I had to hide something quickly. I knew I shoud have done that long time ago, but I didn't have time, strength and, probably the most, willingness to do that.

Stuff I found was a shock even for me, I knew what was near the door, but the deepest parts were like discovering a huge lost part of my own history. In the abyss of science artickles, comics and others I found hundreds of my drawings (really hundreds!) about which I completely had forgotten!!!

UPDATE!!!
I've just received a paintball stripe made from my project!!! I couldn't wait for it! Yay!!!

The stuff happens in my life makes me upset.

Almost all goes wrong even if I try as much as I can. Days goes with an incredibile speed and the worst thing is that I don't know when the whole time passes. The pace of life kills me with every day, sleeping 5 - 5,5 hours per day makes me sick at the end of a workweek.

My school annoys me. That had to be "the best school in the area", to get there you must have an abyss of points from tests etc., but that's just a mumblimg. I have a cool class, generally people here are great, but I have no freakin' idea from where people know the school as "the best". Some teacher's treatment to subjects is ridiculous and you have no chance to get the necessary knowledge from their lessons. Plus my home-room teacher who thinks she's a f***ing noblewoman and about the people who aren't wealthy says rats, topers, losers, etc.
...
I don't know what's going on with me. Seems that something broke in myself and it can't be fixed by itself. I'll try to do something with my life, certainly must change some stuff. Above all reconile myself with that all.
...
I noticed that I get angry very easily. Very, very easily. Even a stupid, little thing can make me furious. I've been trying to stay calm, but... I don't know, maybe I should go to see a doctor or sth like that.
I'm sick and tired of that all happens around me.
...
Bad matters are going like an infinity chain reaction. It started many months ago and realising its results makes me depressed every day more. I don't feel to write about that stuff, that's not a place for them. I have to challenge them alone.

There's just one thing that gives me strength to stand up in the morning and go to school. Every day while walking (running) to a train I pass a person who is very special for me :3
...It's some kind over. At least temporary.

EDIT: I've deleted the part about losing friend, that don't mess in my head yet. Maybe just a bit. Also change some stuff and wrote something more about others.

I'd like to thank you all who wrote something below. Reading your comments always makes me smile.

...
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And at the very end I attache one of my fav paintings of Master Beksinski. The pic doesn't show the real awesomeness of his art, that should be seen by own eyes, in a large size. Anyhow I encourage to visit the official page with his drawings and paintings to which the link is here [The site is still under construction, there's no English yet.]
Click the 'Galeria' link and you'll see some other links. Above all I recommend all 'Okres Fantastyczny' stuff.

Wake up the primal fear and feel the awesomeness of the deepest sides of mind...

Few days ago I watched Japanese movie called Jisatsu Saakuru known by the world as Suicide Circle or Suicide Club. Movie as movie, such a Japanese horror, not very scary, in some scenes funny, at least for me, but quite good keeps tension at all.

All would be right, but for the soundtrack. If you expect heavy, horryfing music, SURPRISE! There's nothing like this you can find here. The main song, which goes along the whole movie is probably even much dreadful than the darkest Death Metal song you can ever imagine.

The worst of that all is that since watching the movie this song has been terribly stucking in my head. I noticed that even right after waking up This Something mumbles somewhere in my brain. This isn't just a while, this is too long for me. I'm sick of it. Please people, help me to throw it off my mind.

I attache the song video here, anyhow it has nothing to the movie and it's rather to listen than to watch (creepy boring). You listen it for your own responsibility, so don't blam me if your ears start bleeding or your head just suddenly explodes.

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The chorus goes somehow like this:

Mail me. Hurry and hit the send key.
Can 't you see? I've waited patiently.
Mail me. To my phone or PC,
I'm ready to tell you that I'm standing by.

Mail me. I want to let you know
As friends go, yours is the best hello.
Mail me. I'm sure you never knew,
How I feel about you, this is real, I need to...

...hear from you right now or I'll die.

I have no more ideas. I've tried everything I could thought out.
Listen to the other music doesn't work, right after I disconnect, the buzz of the song comes back. It doesn't matter if it is my lovely Ska or Punk, or it is sweet Death Metal, or anything other (I just haven't tried techno and pop, I don't want to have necrosed brain). Just doesn't work.
I tried not to listen to that. Without any visible result.
I also tried such a method as "Listen 'Till Vomit". Also without effects (anyhow the critical point hadn't been reached, my dear friend saved me).

I don't know what I should do, so please, help me.

Note to the movie: I think it's worth to watch, especially if you like blood (scene with a train, when over 50 young girls are run over is rather hilarious than scary, mass of blood is everywhere), overmore corpses appeares very often. But if you expect just fun, you'll be disappointed, there is also time to cry.

Probably no one knows what the Hell it is. That's a form of a sport, thought by my classmates, for those who are bored on lessons and aren't smart enough to do penspinning.

All you need:
- as many triangles as you can borrow from your classmates
- pen, pencil or anything similar
- rubber (not necessary)

So let's start!
1. Get your pen to your hands and put on it triangle(s).
2. Move your hands in such a way that triangle(s) will be spinning on the top of your pen.
3. Put one of the pen's ending on a desk (rubber recommendated) while spinning the triangle(s).
4. Spin it (them), spin, spin!

That's all folks! XD
Try it instead of dying from boredom on lessons!

Oh, I nearly forgot, try also the extreme version of triangl-o-spinning! Throw out your pen and instead of it use trammel! (of course with a needle up) More pain, more fun! Bwahahaha!

And yeah, here's something stupid below I made on a geography lesson. These pics suck! And the header which is made in Paint! Why the Hell I put it here?! I dunno, but hope you enjoy this strip.

So New Year's coming or have just come, I don't know when you read it.

I was thinking about that all what happened in the last year and strongly believe that the New one will be better.. Too many bad things happened.. eh.
In the New Year I'm gonna work on myself and tied up some stuff in my life. First of all learn how to use time succesfully. No more dilly-dally. Secondly no more wasting time in front of PC and finally start to learn (doesn't first point contain that two? eh..)
Oh, I should also visit a hairdresser. I've become grown over a bit XD
Will something be from that all? I dunno. Anyhow New Year's decisions never work on me. :P

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Above is an 'awesome' Russian song for New Year.
Hope you enjoy it, but if you don't like it, it's even better XD

And what about you? Do you make any decisions for 2009? Do you think it will be better for you? How you're gonna celebrate it? Or how did you celebrate it?

And of course, something more for you all at the end %D
Happy New Year!!

I'd like to wish you all Merry Christmas,
Forgetting about all problems and reminding what is really important in life,
Spending this awesome time with your family and friends,
Rich Santa Claus, no matter if you believe in him or not,
Snow, at least not raining if you can't have snow...

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As in the old Cliff Richard's song:
"A time for giving, a time for getting,
A time for forgiving and for forgetting.
Christmas is love, christmas is peace,
A time for hating and fighting to cease."

Maybe someone who you cancelled, just think about you!
Don't forget about it!

Peace!

And here's something for you all from me ^_^

It seems that I neglected my NG acoount.
The end of a calendar year is coming and this means the end of a term and getting semester's marks. As always teachers woke up too late that they don't have enough marks to put semester's ones and make as many tests as they can. I'm pressed down of learning the mass of knowledge, from which the majority of information is completely useless in life.

Almost every day I drink couple coffees to be awaken...

I feel addicted.

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I don't know what on the Earth is going on. Only just had been 1st Nowember, for some of us Halloween, for others something more like All Saints Day, Dead Day or anyhow you call it. The next day I was reading that one shopping mall was preparing neons and ornamention for X-mas. All my friends who read this artickle were laughing at this ridiculous event. Day or two later I come to a shop to buy some stuff I look and WTF?! I see everywhere Christmas decorations! I was pretty shocked. What's going on? Few days earlier there were lights and other stuff for 1st Nov and now... Unfortunately, that's just started in almost all shopping centres...
I'm pretty pissed off. Now's only money is important and poor people are taken in, because they know that if they don't buy quite good and cheap things now, they won't have a chance later. Some years ago all preparations for X-mas were started in the half of December and everything was ok, people lived and no one was saying that's too late. Moreover stuff for a Christmas Tree were much nicer than I can buy nowadays. Just waiting for emissions of X-mas ads in TV.

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